


But first, let me take a selfie

by Miyukitty



Series: SASOikawa 2016 [9]
Category: Haikyuu!!, 弱虫ペダル | Yowamushi Pedal
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Flirting, Break Up, Clubbing, Crack Crossover, Drunk Texting, Hook-Up, Inappropriate Humor, Jealousy, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Oikawa Tooru Got Dumped, SASO 2016, The Author Regrets Everything, Toudou Jinpachi Being an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 13:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7619878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukitty/pseuds/Miyukitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What is a <s>grand</s> king to a <s>mountain</s> god?</p>
            </blockquote>





	But first, let me take a selfie

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the SASO2016 BR4 quote: 
> 
> _"You know I know how_  
>  _To make em stop and stare as I zone out_  
>  _The club can't even handle me right now_  
>  _Watchin' you watchin' me I go all out"_  
>  -Flo Rida feat. David Guetta
> 
> Some sexual references (entirely innuendos, no actual content). side hanamaki/matsukawa, unrequited toumaki, and oikawa/SOME JERK, pick your favorite jerk :))) this is the best and worst thing i've ever written, please don't take it seriously, also i was always meant to write the most problematic aesthetic
> 
> i wrote this on oik's birthday, hbd oikawa ❁(◡‿◡✿)

 

 

  
The heavy vibrations of bass rolled through his body as the music reverberated over the buzz of the weekend crowd. The strobe flashed on as the beat dropped, dazzling patterns of brilliant light along the walls and ceiling. Seated at the bar, Oikawa crossed his legs neatly on the stool and sipped from his appletini as he cast a judgmental eye over the dancers on the floor.

  
  
This gay club was rumored in the college crowd to be good for hookups, but all he saw was a sea of stupid loving couples with their stupid hands all over each other. He curled his lip into a haughty sneer at their happiness.

  
  
"Well, you-know-who _hates_ clubs, says they're 'too noisy' and 'expensive' so I never got to go dancing when _we_ were a couple," he muttered viciously into his glass, then downed the last of his neon green drink.

 

"Stupid. Boring. Lame. Loser," he snipped in between flashes of the strobe light.

  
  
It was scarcely midnight, but despite Oikawa's protests, Makki and Mattsun had already left the club together. They abandoned him with a sly wink ("don't do anything we wouldn't do", "well, unless he's hotter than us, in which case you have our blessing,") and slid him a wad of cash for their tab (not enough to cover it). He hunched his shoulders up and pouted, whipping out his phone.

  
  
_(；￣Д￣） You cheapskates probably just didn't want to pay for more drinks_ , Oikawa sulked as he spammed all of the most offended kaomoji he could find.

  
  
_Some friends! Well you're no fun anyway and it sucks to be the third wheel when you two can't stop making bedroom eyes at each other so good riddance~ ˚✧₊⁎( ˘ω˘ )⁎⁺˳✧༚_

  
  
He added a few poop emoji for good measure. Then he paused, and typed rapidly:

  
  
_Don't forget I am crashing on your couch tonight ♥ Leave the door unlocked and kindly refrain from your usual exhibitionism as I am trying to deal with a difficult breakup, thank you very much~ ヾ(๑╹ꇴ◠๑)ﾉ”_

  
  
He drummed his fingers restlessly against his thigh as he tried to remember how many drinks he'd had already and whether or not it was a good idea to get more. How many drinks did it take to forget an ex-boyfriend? (Was there an equation for that, like, one cocktail per month of dating? He had some catching up to do.)

  
  
Nobody dumped Oikawa Tooru. _Nobody_.

 

( _Until now,_ he thought sourly, and flagged down the bartender.)

 

* * *

  
  
Oikawa was nibbling aggressively on an apple slice when he finally spotted _him_. Through the splashes of colored light illuminating the sea of bodies, there was a lone figure swaying at the center of the floor. Light caught against the gold chain around his slender throat, lit up the flash of perfect teeth as he laughed with abandon.

 

Oikawa went still, dark eyes gleaming with sudden interest.

  
  
_Hello, rebound._

  
  
He slid none-too-gracefully from the barstool without taking his eyes off the stranger, apple slice clenched between his teeth. He was well past the point of tipsy, probably, but who was counting at this point? Certainly not Oikawa. He had nothing to compensate for tonight, nothing to prove.

 

(Nobody dumped him and he looked flawless and probably his hair was amazing so _take that, jerk._ )

  
  
The music was even louder out on the floor. The heavy odor of mixed colognes mingled with sweat to burn his nostrils. He swayed as he moved, weaving through the gyrating crowd of elbows and legs, trailing after his target. He was taller than most, but not all, of the patrons, and bumped nonrepentantly into a few shoulders as he moved onward.

 

The song shifted as he drew closer – dropped to a low, guttural beat, the vibration buzzing in his sternum, humming out through his fingertips. When the dancer whirled to face him, Oikawa caught the faintest notes of green tea and plum on the air. And for a moment, they were both still, sizing each other up as the crowd moved on without them.

 

He gazed into the widest pair of blue eyes he'd ever seen. This guy was actually pretty cute up close – shorter than he'd expected, with summer tanned skin and raven-dark hair swept back in a trendy headband (and was he wearing mascara, or were his eyelashes naturally that long?). There was something vibrant about him, a joyful exuberance that lit him up like a beacon.

 

He looked like fun. Oikawa could use some fun in his life.

  
  
Oikawa realized belatedly that he still had fruit hanging out of his mouth and okay, he was _maybe_ a little drunk, but they were all here to have a good time. Casually he winked and finished eating his apple slice, hoping it looked more sexy than it felt.

  
  
The guy arched an eyebrow at him, then burst out laughing, and wow, he was so loud Oikawa could hear him clearly over the blaring electronica.

  
  
"I'll give you a seven out of ten, because I'm feeling generous tonight," the stranger grinned.

  
  
Oikawa gaped. "S-seven?" he spluttered, drawing up to his superior height. He had to shout over the music, unlike the unusually loud stranger. "Care to check your math again? Seven?! I'm a university athlete, and a hot one at that. These legs alone should net me a perfect ten, not to mention my hair!"

  
  
The stranger had the audacity to purse his lips and give him a dismissive once-over. He pointed dramatically at Oikawa's chest, then dropped his finger down in accusation.

  
  
"Mmyeah, I kinda got that from the volleyball tee that says 'you just got served'. _Tacky_. And the _plaid shorts?_ Minus two points at least. Work on your fashion sense once you sober up. Oh, and, legs? Please. I'm a _cyclist_ , so I have the best ass in this city, _no competition,_ " he added with a boisterous laugh.

  
  
Oikawa could only stare. He was tired of shouting to be heard. But he'd never met anyone this confident in his life. A narcissistic blowhard with a pretty face, great hair, nice eyes, and a competitive streak and _oh my god, he's perfect, he's exactly what I want – !_

  
  
He was _definitely_ drunk, but this seemed like a _great_ idea. This was happening. Oikawa slid his hand onto the stranger's hip and leaned in close, inhaling the clean scent of matcha. He got an arched eyebrow in response, but the man made no move to stop him.

  
  
"Oikawa Tooru. Dance with me," he murmured close to the man's ear.

  
  
"Toudou Jinpachi, nice to meet you," was the breathless response.

 

* * *

  
  
Oikawa had no way to gauge how long they'd been dancing – a few minutes, or a few hours, it all blurred together in a daze of strobing lights and appletini fuzz. They slipped seamlessly into the rhythm of the music, Oikawa's hands sliding in exploration with every twist and grind. The air was unbearably hot in the thick of the crowd, and they began to gravitate back toward the edges as the night dragged on.

  
  
"Let me buy you a drink, Pachi-chan," he crooned, nipping at Toudou's ear. Toudou yelped, looking far more flustered than he'd been before he had a drunken Oikawa Tooru clinging to him with too many limbs.

  
  
"Do you have any idea how many empty calories those sugary drinks have? No thank you," Toudou sniffed. "But you should drink some water, Tooru, surely you as an athlete know the importance of staying hydrated."

  
  
"Pachi-chan, are you my mom?" Oikawa grinned.

  
  
Toudou huffed, dragging him by the arm towards the bar. Oikawa chortled into his shoulder, then caught his breath as he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

  
  
"Hang on, I'm getting a text," he mumbled. He hated the tiny spark of hope that _it could be you-know-who_ , and stabbed open his inbox with a little too much force than was required.

  
  
Toudou pushed a glass of ice water into Oikawa's hand, who absentmindedly sipped at it.

  
  
"Of course I didn't get any messages," Toudou muttered, a strange edge of jealousy sharpening his tone. But then he slipped back into his flashy grin and slung an arm around Oikawa's shoulders. "Quick, smile!"

  
  
Oikawa threw up a peace sign for the selfie, nuzzling close to Toudou's cheek. They both looked flushed and sweaty in the poorly lit photo, which Toudou quickly set about filtering and editing.

  
  
"Send me your Instagram when you post that," Oikawa chirped pleasantly. "I probably have more followers than you. Oh, it was Makki-chan finally replying! How good of him to finally check his phone."

  
  
"You know Maki-chan?" Toudou replied, flabbergasted.

  
  
Oikawa's fingers stalled over the screen. He blinked slowly and turned to face Toudou.

  
  
"Uh… yeah? Makki and Mattsun are two of my best friends from high school. Did you go to-"

  
  
"I don't know a Mattsun," Toudou interjected, looking vaguely offended at the name.

  
  
Oikawa snickered. "Well, it's pretty hard to find Makki-chan without Mattsun nearby. They're practically married."

  
  
Toudou's voice pitched up to an octave normally reserved for calling dogs or shattering glass.

  
  
"Who the hell is Mattsun?! How long has this been going on? Is this why Maki-chan has been ignoring me-"

  
  
Oikawa dribbled water on his shirt as he tried to take a sip at the same time he was laughing.

  
  
"Oh my god, Pachi-chan, you're so loud…! Just come home with me, I'm crashing at his place so you can see for yourself. You'll see more of Makki-chan than you ever wanted to, believe me," he added, sliding an arm smoothly around the cyclist's trim waist.

 

* * *

  
  
Toudou didn't resist as Oikawa pulled him out the back door into the cool night air to wait for their ride. He also didn't resist when Oikawa pushed him against the wall for sloppy kisses, either.

 

It was when his hands strayed to cup his ass that Toudou yipped and shoved him back. Oikawa snorted in laughter at the indignant expression on Toudou's face, and leaned back against the wall for support.

  
  
"Relax, I just wanted to see if you were telling the truth earlier," Oikawa grinned. His head was swimming, dizzy from the rush and the long night out.

  
  
Toudou crossed his arms and tapped a foot impatiently.

  
  
"And?" he prompted.

  
  
Oikawa tilted his head, the light of a challenge beginning to gleam in his dark eyes.

  
  
"Hmm…" he hummed, pretending to think about it. "Well, maybe once you get me out of these plaid shorts you hate so much, you'll finally see some competition."

  
  
Toudou tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't hold back his clamorous laughter for long.

  
  
"You've been losing points all night with those terrible lines, Tooru, I'm pretty sure you're at negative ten by now," Toudou informed him.

  
  
Oikawa scoffed in disbelief.

 

"Rude! Wait until I tell Makki-chan all the mean things you've said to me," he whined dramatically.

  
  
"Th-that's my line!" Toudou squawked. "Oh, there's the car – driver! Driver!!"

  
  
"Me first," Oikawa bickered, squabbling with Toudou to get through the car door. "Come on, step on it!"

 

* * *

  
  
Matsukawa stirred reluctantly when he felt cool air against his shirtless back. It was still pre-dawn; too early to get ready for class. He blinked heavy-lidded eyes and peered through the gloom of their studio apartment.

  
  
Hanamaki was fully awake. He sat nude on the corner of their mattress, gazing at his phone in dawning horror. He turned, pointing with a shaking finger to the photograph illuminated on the screen.

  
  
"Issei," he whispered. "We shouldn't have left him unsupervised, Issei, there's two of them now. He's bringing over a second Oikawa."

  
  
Matsukawa stared in amusement, the corner of his mouth tugging into a lopsided smirk.

  
  
"Lock the door," he mumbled, and flopped back into his pillow.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [I only got 10 likes in the last 5 minutes, do you think I should take it down? Let me take another selfie](https://i.imgur.com/KYlPbJE.png)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Let me take another selfie](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11293347) by [Miyukitty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukitty/pseuds/Miyukitty)




End file.
